9 motnh

It has finally become 9 months together. 9 strong months. You are the person who I've fallen in love with and the person who I want to spend my life with. I trust you with all my heart and soul. I know some people believe that love doesn't exist, but if they experienced what I get from you then they will know it is real. I wish I wasn't such a burden to you sometimes and sometimes i feel not good enough for you. But in my heart we are the right for each other and I can feel it. There hasn't been a second in the day or night or all of the time Ive been with you were I thought that I didn't want to be with you. I really can't express how much you mean to me, thats why I say and do all this sweet stuff, even though sometimes you don't like it. Its telling you how I feel, and all of these feelings are genuine. I hope that you don't find me as a crazy gf or anything, because sometimes I feel like I am. Im just so scared of losing you because you have become such a big part of my life. I couldn't live without you.


Its been a tough couple of weeks for our relationship. The arguments have gotten out of control and there was horrible things that were said and regretted. But we stood through all the hardship hand in hand and now I am happy to say that our relationship is stronger than ever. He is the glue to my broken pieces and the push upwards I need when I am feeling down. Today this man turns 20 years old, and I want to wish him a great Happy Birthday. I want you to know how much you mean to me and how much I love you. Even though we are always going to be faced with obstacles I know I will always love you, because the feeling is deep down within me and I can feel our connection through even not seeing each other. Movies always talk about the 'spark' is a relevant thing in love, and I'm glad to say I can feel and I know that we have that spark. Even if in the future it fades, I know we will be able to regain it because this is true love.


Being positive means being happy, however, sometimes it is so hard to be positive in some certain situations. I have been having really horrible cramps lately, feeling weak and dizzy and also vomiting. I went to the doctor to get checked and I was told I had a 9cm which has grown a bit in the last month ovarian cyst. This means that I have to have surgery to remove it. To be honest, I am terrified. I know it isn't that bad and I will be ok, but I am just really scared. I can't help thinking about all the things that could possibly go wrong and can't focus on the positives. I guess this is why I have been feeling down lately and haven't left the house except for visiting doctors and the radiology centre. I am trying to be strong; it's time for me to grow up and accept what is happening. I can no longer be a baby about everything and hold my mothers hand. I need to start becoming more independant and start being a woman. There are so many things I want in life. I want to travel the world and paint landscapes. I want to eat and try all these foods. I want a career and to fufill all my goals. However, the biggest dream of mine is to have a family. I want to have children and be the best mother there is for them. I want to spend everyday asking how my husbands day has been at work when he arrives home. I guess in some aspects ive always wanted to be the perfect house wife and mother. I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband, the person who fights for me and sticks up for me. I just want to tell you I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, and that I am so thankful and lucky that you have stuck by my side through all these complications that our relationship has encountered. You are my one true love and will be for eternity.


This is real, this is me I'm exactly who I want to be now. I feel like I am complete, I am happy. Every day I couldn't ask for more than just waking up and listening to your voice. Every night I want to sleep with you and that is the wish, I wish for. I couldn't be happier to be with you, day by day my heart grows stronger and my knees become weaker, the wall no longer exists and I am happy to say that I am in love with you. Through the fights and the hardships, the doubts and the disappointments, I know our love will overcome all these challenges life gives us. For like you said, we aren't arguing; we are argluing (every time we argue, our love becomes stronger and therefore we are gluing each other together again). You make me so happy, and I never thought that someone could make me feel this way. Our love could be a movie or a drama, our love could make a better film than the notebook. The connection I feel is like something I have never felt before, and I will never feel again. I want to grow old with you and spend every last second of my life with you. I do believe in love. I do believe that soul mates exist, because I have them. I love you my husband, my prince and my life.



Finally decided to start posting again after a long hiatus. Happy New year everyone! Hope everyone wished big for 2013 and are starting to fight for their dreams! I have just graduated from high school and now I am on the road to adulthood.. which couldn't be more scarier. A lot has happened since I last posted and I guess this is my public online diary, so I might as well share what has happened ^^. 

Graduating highschool was not easy, it was the worst time of my life. I procrastinated throughout the whole year and left assignments and studying for tests at the last minute. I lost my motivation for wanting to be a doctor but I still have that dream and always will. Hopefully I will make it into University and study something that I love, something that I will be happy with for the rest of my working days. I am going to miss all of the year 12s and the crazy times we have all shared together, some through primary school to high school and some through only high school. I love everyone and wish everyone the best for their future endeavours. Thinking about it now makes me slightly emotional, I am really going to miss waking up early and struggling to put my uniform on the correct way for school each morning. Walking through those gates and wishing I was back home sleeping, dreading classes everyday knowing I haven't finished my assignments or I haven't studied for a test. Having heaps of laughs and acting like complete idiots with my friends. Bitching about the lower years and how sheepish they all are. I made memories that I will never forget at that high school, falling over all the time, falling up and down the stairs, losing my locker keys or just leaving them in the locker lock itself. 

I also turned 18 and experienced many hangovers which I never want to experience again. I also got alcohol poisoning once and that was defiantly not something I will have again. I danced so hard my shoes soles broke and i was only walking around with material around my foot, that was very embarrassing. I also remember everything I did, so I don't understand how people complain about not remembering anything after getting drunk, when to me I can? Ohwells. 


At the end of the year, I fell in love. That was probably the most significant time in the whole of 2012. One day I was at home on the computer talking to the usual people, then all of a sudden some random guy messaged me. We were friends on Facebook, however, I had no clue who he was. Before messaging back I checked his Facebook to see if there was any chance of me knowing him. But it was completely random. So I messaged him back and said no do i know you. Anyway he was from the same city as me and coincidentally lived not that far away. We kept messaging back and forth until it was bed time. I thought after that we would never message or talk to each other again but surprisingly the next day I got a message from him. I was happy because I felt like he wanted to talk to me and that he seemed to be interested in talking. At first when we talked it seemed like he was kind of cold… but after he seemed really sweet, like a teddy bear made of candy. We continued to talk every day and soon I could feel my heart beating for him. He made me smile and each day I would wait for him to message me. Even if it was a late message I would still feel really happy. When we talked it seemed to click, we could talk for hours and it seemed like only a minute. I knew I started to fall for him when I would constantly think about him and wait for his reply or message. I could feel myself losing the strength I put up because of my previous relationships. The wall I put up from falling was decaying into nothing. I hoped that he felt the same way I did for him and for some reason, I could feel that he did. He was cute and showed true emotion, something other guys lack or can't show genuinely. The cheesiness he showed made my heart flutter, it felt good even though it was incredibly cheesy. I wanted to be with him but I had to play it cool. Haha I am so gay, play it cool, so gay. Anyway I kept my distance and but tried to keep closer. I was waiting for him to say he liked me and to ask me out. He was really handsome to me and he acted really cute. I remember the first time we talked on the phone and he was hyperventilating because he was shy. It was so adorable and I just wanted to hug him. After awhile he asked me to be his gf and i was so happy. I finally found someone who I clicked with and wanted to be with. He makes me happier than anyone else could. He makes me laugh at his stupid actions and words. He makes me cry for him and can make me angry over him. He triggers every emotion in me that I know that we are connected. I always feel special to him because he tries to make me happy and to feel that way. He tries to make me smile each day but even without him trying I still smile. I started to fall in love with this guy, and I couldn't stop it. I fell for him, I fell in love with him for who he is and how he makes me feel. My love for him makes me feel like we are soul mates and that we are supposed to be together. He makes me feel like I have a great future ahead of myself and not only that with him. I love how when he's angry he pulls me closer and doesn't push me away. I know one thing its that I can never stay mad at him because when I am all I can think about is how much I love him. I can feel that he loves me to by the stuff he says and the stuff he does. He's the man every girl dreams about through all of their life, the prince. Someone to be there for you through tough times, someone to hold your hand through the complications of life. Someone to care for you and never want anything to happen to you. Someone who can light up your life just by being around. Someone who would do anything for you and everything to be with you. This guy is my prince, and I know this because I can feel it. Eventhough I am still young, age cannot defy emotion and cannot limit one in falling in love. This guy's name is Colin. I love you Colin, and I always will, you make me believe that the life and the world can be a great place, and that true princes exist. 


Honestly, I have been feeling fractured by my state of mind lately. I've lost my aspirations, goals and dreams. It almost feels as if I am walking into an oblivion of shattered remaining's of what my life once was. I wish someone would help motivate me or at least listen to my woes. But unfortunately  it seems I am destined to be alone with my negative thoughts, I want to cast them away, to a different planet perhaps.

Goodbye baby, goodbye.


This post I have decided it to be a massive rant.

I'm not going to mention any names, but there's this girl (whom I used to work with) and she seems to be somewhat into the whole fashion industry. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this except the fact she insists that everyone in Adelaide has no style whatsoever. Honestly I have been reading her blog, well checked on it twice and it's a bunch of crap. I have nothing against her but what her perspectives are and the way she showcases it online. Fashion is NOT about having designer or in her case everything possible posted on tumblr items. She clearly states that Adelaide is behind in fashion and that 'majority' of girls have no sense of style and just follow trends. Um, right. Fashion is about freedom of expression, dress how YOU feel comfortable, OR what you wish to wear. Who cares if the style is from 500 centuries ago or 6000606 girls already wear the style, make it work, rock it and whoever complains is just envious.

Some people seem to have stick up there ass, and need someone to take it out kk