Well to begin this post on a positive note, it's finally holidays! Horray, horray. Time is not on my side as of the moment, I have to complete all of 3 Maths text books in what? 6 weeks. I pray I can do this. The nervous feeling seems to be eating at me lately, I always feel as if i'm going to faint. I hope im not ignoring any illness or signs of a disease because that'll be horrible. Haha.
Lately I have been feeling quite meloncholy, maybe it's the stress of next year or it's because I over think everything I do. Well, it seems as if I have this problem where i'm extremely analytical towards basically anything that comes my way. I guess it 'could' be a good thing but the downfall is that I feel socially awkward in every situation. Gah, I'm not even making much sense am I?

I wish to address a couple of things which constantly I keep reminding myself of.
I have not had much 'luck' in the 'man' category lately. I always attract 'boys' who are idiotic or maybe it's just me who attracts them. Maybe I should be less picky and loosen up? . My friend said to me, "A geniune woman will attract a geniune man". Well, if this is in fact true then where the eff is my man? Unless I am not geniune, then what am I? A pile of plastic rubber connected by a string of wires. Basically i'm nothing but a fake. People say that with time you end up finding who you are in the world, but it's taking so damn long it's making me ponder if I am ever going to find a purpose or who I am. Maybe I am who I am now but i'm so fucking blindsided I can't see it.

I am also going to dedicate this paragraph to my lovely dog Ernie. He was the best dog I could ever ask for, playful but yet showed he could protect the house. Haha. I regret not spending time with Ernie, It's just I guess as I grew older, our relationship grew wider apart. He was amazing and words cannot sum up how my exact emotions for him. I hope he has a wonderful, delightful afterlife. You will always be missed Ernie, I love you. R.I.P.

To end this post, I am going to mention that as of right now my cat's ass is fixated on my arm. Fucking cat thinks it owns every piece of furniture in the house. Assuming my family and I are furniture as well. Nevertheless I still love her.

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