I hope, pray and wish that I get accepted into Medical School. My dream may have only just begun but I am over 200% certain that it is not going to end any time soon. Sometimes I ponder why it is I am so fascinated with continuing my journey, Is it destined? Well I sure as hope so.
I have printed various books on how to be successful in MS, and it seems that the one key for survival in the brutal environment is organization. Luckily for me I  have a very mild case of OCD, I like to organize everything so that I am up to date and standard with my work but to an extent were I wont become obsessed.

Today was my Daddy's 52nd Birthday! Happy Birthday Daddy! I decided to write in his card: " To Dad, Happy Birthday, it is your 52nd birthday and soon you will be 60, time to shave off that beard!" Ofcourse there is no absolute hope for him shaving but you never know, maybe that card could influence him in some random way. Since my Dad is a un-identical twin, it was also my Uncles birthday so we travelled a whole two and a half gruelling hours to the dead country side. Ok, I will never, ever be a country personal. I would'nt be able to survive without my glorious shopping sprees and the refreshing sound of the train passing by each hour. It's just too quiet for my likeings up there. Im incredibly hungry at this very moment, the "food" <- Notice how it is in quotation marks, was horrid at my Uncles. The chicken was full of salt and not to mention the chips were soggy. So Im off too make a pizza, home-made pizza's are the undenying best.

It seems that my week has taken a delightful turn. From being one of horrible to wonderful I feel much more vibrantly awake as well being excessively engaged. Like a drought given water, my unconscious mind was given consciousness again. I gathered my before status was thus because of lack of sleep and also the fact of only just commencing schooling again. I finally have undertaken the advanced mathematics class and it seems as if it's not all it's cracked up to be. But then again it could also be an 'easy' topic to begin with. Anyway I have been procrastinating lately, I should really begin studying for the maths test next week -_-" 

"To be, or not to be: that is the question".

A famous quote from the incredible William Shakespeare play Hamlet.
What is its significant meaning? Well, it is in ones interpretation ofcourse. Watching the filmed play Hamlet in English class has well and truely inspired I to persue reading  books written from that era. The language is art. I will continue this next time when thy finished watching movie. haha.

Ah yes, the first day of the last term of school has finally finished. Horray, horray, I can finally sit back and relax with my iced tea and express my absolute emotions on to my dearest friend, my blog.

I began the morning feeling fresh and focused, but little did I know my mood was about to change dramatically. Once I first arrived to school I was happily greeted by my lovely caring friends. Not. Instead the silence smothered the awkward atmosphere creating a sense of exclution for myself. How did I not see this coming? Its typical for them to do so anyhow.
Chemistry class was first up. Luckily I was prepared and succeed to grasp all the concepts immediatley at first introduction. Next lesson was a free, and ofcourse I succumed to that of procrastinating and used this time to chat with my "friends".
Recess.
After this delightful 20 minute break, English class started. I am in the most advanced English class, and what is greatly hilarious? The fact that we are now studying the text "Hamlet" and not only will our school not let us read it, apparently they think we are a bunch of unintelligent students! What is this? Im sorry but if our English Professor wants us to read it, then let us! Ugh, I can not stress how stupid of a school I am attending. I feel like im treated like a baby. No, not a teenager, a baby.
Biology class was a huge smack in the face. I was not only excluded from the help of my friends, WHICH were helping each other. But I got 2/10  on the so called "revision test". I feel like a complete failure but not to worry, I can improve.

The rest of the lessons were an utter waste of time so i cannot be fucked with mentioning them. As you can read my day went on the slightly negative, unproductive side. So now I am going to read hamlet, study all my mistakes in Biology, Write my proposal for research project and try and finish my mathematics questions.

My understanding and interpretation of life:
Birth -> Study -> Work -> Death
I love life.

My passion for medicine

One might say, "I want to proceed my career in medicine because helping people is my passion". Another could also say, "I've wanted to be a doctor since I was able to think independently". These are the most common, obvious reasons as to why people persue medicine. But for me it's different. Lately I have been contemplateing weither or not I should continue this passion for medicine. Is it really something I want to do? All the stress, tears and years of studying in a brutal environment?
I wanted to explore my options besides medicine. I've always known I had a passion for art ever since I was young. But art never inspired me to become an artist, a designer, only for mere hobby. I then decided to research more possible career paths such as, psychology, beauty and theropy and also sports. None of these interested me enough to be able to invision a future career for myself. I found myself back at medicine. visioning myself in the future being a doctor, full on working to my hearts content. I want to be a neurologist, but doctor is the first step. There is nothing more I want to be in life. I want to be a doctor. I don't want to be a designer, psychologist nor a nurse. This is my passion, How do I know? The feeling in my chest I get whenever I think about it. Its like a constant, "you can do this" but without words, it's what pulls me through the fuck load of study requirments, constant stress and the knowing of what Im giving up. Call me crazy, stuck up. I don't care, this is me and what I want to do, and nothing will stop me.

I wish change was non-existant. I wish that everything would stay the same, when I was happy. Every time I look back, I think about all the foolish decisions I've made. I lost the only man who seemed to geniunely love and care for me, I've lost friends, I've lost close relative. Heck I lost my sister at one stage. Sometimes I wonder why I should contiune living. But I couldn't end my life, I just couldn't. Instead I fill up buckets of salty water. Could this be helping the environment? Maybe I should collect my pain in a container and water the garden. I try to be as positive as I can.

There are several reasons as to why I want to attend Medical School. One being the above, I won't be sacrificing anything too relevant. Honestly I want to help people, but to an extent where it doesn't involve the reason I wish to attend. I guess people would say it's a bad thing that I dont have a specific rational reason. I have a feeling, is a feeling enough? Well, I don't know. I can't explain the feeling, but when I visualize the future I am not afraid, scared, anxious. Im not terrified of the long road ahead... Im starting to think im a robot haha...

Anyway I should stop here. Have a nice night to whoever reads this.

Today is the day, that I finally can say that I own a desk! Well, not yet that is. But me and my family are going to Ikea today to purchase one. Preferably a white desk would be nice, Mum suggested either it be white, black or wood. I immediately said white, wood wouldn't match my rooms palette nor would black.
Once I get my lovely desk I can finally start studying hardcore without any interruptions. Oh yes, my current location for studying is either in the on and off again noisy kitchen, or the always constant blabbering of the television in the lounge room. I've tried so many, many times to shut the television off, but it seems my idiotic, inconsiderate sister insists that she can only function if the television is on. Even if shes not watching it she states that  "the television is background music, Im listening at the same time". Yea, yea whatever. I have given up complaining.

Well, Im off to buy my desk now :D So excited!

Ah, yes a decision of which I should blog about has finally appeared itself. I have decided to post my long journey of self-drive, passion and devotion to that of medical school. Time is precious, and organization is key. I need to, have to plan wisely. Each step and decision I make has to be resposnible to the highest degree. I maybe beyond thinking of reality, but until the stress has finally hindered my road to success then I simply do not give a crap about reality. Why should I let reality control me? define my odds with being accepted? I'm not shutting myself off from the world, i'm escapeing the fate of never knowing what could of been. “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
― Albert Einstein
Einstein was a brillant man, and thus that is why this is true. When you live you're whole life thinking that, let's just say, that you cannot be a mathematician. You would simply not even consider that there could be the slightest chance you could, you would believe the opposite.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, don't listen to people who define, decided or tell you your future. It's your future for a reason.

I'm seriously, and sincerely regretting my past two weeks of slacking off on my duties of studying the whole two chapters of mere death of calculus. I'm not suprised why my mathematics tutor basically demanded me to fufil all the questions and equations and also study the text book as if it were a novel. Yes, novels are far more interesting, but by grasping the mind bobbling formulas which are scattered on every A3 page, I found myself hooked on how this beautiful numeral language has shaped life itself. Although the interestingness (If that is even a word) of this text book hasn't really concured my mind and actually physically forced me to spend my two weeks "break" to study this book.
Today the day I have been fearing has finally come. The day my tutor, oh my wonderful tutor shows up on my wonderfully messy doorstep and withers himself to the kitchen table to help me with my "studying".
Sticking coloured sticky notes on pages I haven't even attempted to read in detail, so it seems as if I had.
If you're wondering why I am so terrified of my, lets say overly intellectual being of a tutor. Let's call him "intellectual monster". It's simply because that is what he is. He is the meaning of smart, he has helped some kid whom has never been able to write his name, in year 11, which is quite astonishing, since thats what you learn in baby school, primary school. Anyway, the intellectual monster taught this boy how to study and well, how to write his name. This boy not only shaped his mind but succeeded by mastering every class he took, and got the highest grades out of the 20 kids in his class. I was suprised, mind blown. I guess the saying is partially true " you're only as good as you're teacher ".

Anyway, I best be off, wish me luck in facing my fate which I have set upon myself.

Listening to beautiful piano songs, I just felt overly overwhelmed with emotion and I have decided to give my appreciation to people who are fighting a disease or an emotional trauma. My undying love, gratitude and support goes out to you. You are the people who I look up to because through all struggles you can smile and say "I'm ok". I love you.