I wish change was non-existant. I wish that everything would stay the same, when I was happy. Every time I look back, I think about all the foolish decisions I've made. I lost the only man who seemed to geniunely love and care for me, I've lost friends, I've lost close relative. Heck I lost my sister at one stage. Sometimes I wonder why I should contiune living. But I couldn't end my life, I just couldn't. Instead I fill up buckets of salty water. Could this be helping the environment? Maybe I should collect my pain in a container and water the garden. I try to be as positive as I can.

There are several reasons as to why I want to attend Medical School. One being the above, I won't be sacrificing anything too relevant. Honestly I want to help people, but to an extent where it doesn't involve the reason I wish to attend. I guess people would say it's a bad thing that I dont have a specific rational reason. I have a feeling, is a feeling enough? Well, I don't know. I can't explain the feeling, but when I visualize the future I am not afraid, scared, anxious. Im not terrified of the long road ahead... Im starting to think im a robot haha...

Anyway I should stop here. Have a nice night to whoever reads this.

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